Tsk Tsk Tsk

I've been remiss in my posting duties.

Solitary confinement progresses swimmingly. The past few days have been some of the pain in the ass days. Ladder too short to reach the tall tall parts of the house so it gets fully extended to thirty feet and then I have to fight with a paint brush on a stick to get to the tippy top. Thems the brakes when you're vertically challenged. Ahhhhh and the spiders. Great big hairy bastards everywhere. Nothing like turning your head when your thirty feet in the air and seeing a spider half the size of your fist right in your face. I'm talking bigger than the Harry Potter spiders. So every trip up the ladder starts first with broom in hand, then down, then up with paint scraper, then down, then up with bucket and brush. Ahhhhhhh and the power lines. Nothing like trying to paint around power lines with a brush attached to a six foot long metal pole while standing thirty feet in the air on a metal ladder. That was a little nerve racking. But those parts are all over. Except the spiders. I have a few more days of battling them.

Three sides done. Yesterday I got news that work in California starts up again near the end of October and goes straight through to Christmas. This is happy news. Usually we go dark from Thanksgiving to Christmas and I find myself bored again. And a woman who knows my sister mentioned she may want me to do her house too while I'm in Maine. TBD on that one but great to know that there is work afoot to keep my hands from being idle.

Reading: Childhood's End by Arthur C. Clarke. excellent science fiction.

Watching: hours of new fall television daily, Freaks & Geeks season 1, Popular seasons 1 & 2. I used to never watch television, regarded it as the place where talentless actors and creators went to ride out their days of work. Not any more. And I'm becoming obsessed with anything that has high school or college story lines. I think I suspect subconsciously I missed out on the opportunity to be a great high school and college character so I live vicariously through the hijinxes and dramas of tv characters. Oh if I could go back and do it all over again, the adventures I'd have!

Listening: Metric - Help, I'm Alive. Over and over and over.

The track brings up an interesting discovery that dawned on me yesterday while watching the video clips on youtube of their live performances and the two-hour season premiere of House. I love quality time with an amazing person more than anything. The closest thing to that is a piece of artwork that strikes an emotional cord. I am inspired and envious whenever I see or hear something that invokes a sharp physical response. My skin crawls every time I watch the live performances of Metric's Help, I'm Alive. It is an amazing song about the fear of failure. At the end of the House season premiere I found myself crying because it was so perfectly put together. When all of the story elements that had been put into place over the first hour and fifteen minutes started to fall into place during the last fifteen minutes I was overcome with joy at the perfection that I was witnessing. I've always been a big fan of House, one of the best characters ever created for tv, the doctor who is afraid to fail.

These two things settled in my head last night and it dawned on me that the one thing I am really terrified of is failure. It doesn't happen often. In my professional life I am smart and talented enough to figure out anything that is thrown at me on the fly. I have always been good and quick at solving problems. The only thing I have ever failed at is relationships.

The other thing I realized over the past two days is I love eating ice cream for breakfast. Mmmmmmmmmm.